I thought of this process, of who I am, who I remain in this new environment. I think of my moments of fear earlier in the week and how I wanted to run once again. Did I leave in haste? Did I not properly prepare? Can I really make this work?
I have always liked to think that I am running towards something, and not away from something else. What is the difference? Perspective? Control? Comfort? Does it matter? Who are we answering to other than ourselves?
Is it better to run than be still? Is it better to take action versus risking stagnancy? Are we lying to ourselves or creating our reality? I am not sure if I know, and I am not sure if it truly matters.
All we have is our experience. All we have is the power over the choices we make in each moment. Those moments add up to create our life. So whether we are running from something or towards something is simply our perspective, it is simply our decision on how we interpret our environment. It is how we take back our power to react. It is what separates victims from victors. Creators from destroyers. From those who complain and take cover to those who step up and step out.
So for now, I will keep running. And how ever anyone else perceives that is up to them. All I have is me. All I can do is act in ways that fill me up, that reassure and reaffirm my choices. And live in the moments that allow me to inquire on my current state. I'd rather live in gross denial, in a heightened state of self. One that allows me to run towards something than from one. I'd rather live as someone whose lungs are bursting with drive and curiosity, whose eyes are wide with delight, and whose heart is willing to work a little bit harder to reach a new depth.